In response to this almost orgasmic level of reassurance, Abbott can offer little, for if Gillard is ill-suited to the savage smear, he is even less-suited to positivity. He has created his own ads, where he sits in a sort of hunched-forward pose, a la a ready-to-pounce mongoose, and informs us that he wants to stand up for real action, while a song about standing up for real action is sung by the Standing Up For Real Action Choir, a group recruited from the Sydney School For The Gifted And Insufferable.

It is his attempt to inspire, but it does not quite achieve its aims, due to a certain lack of finesse in production and the overwhelming impression that Abbott at any moment may attempt to tear your still-beating heart from your chest.

Is Tony Abbott really the kind of man who would amputate your son's legs?